My best friend got married today. I wasn't able to make it because they told me on Friday that the wedding was going to be this morning and I couldn't take work off in such short notice. So I was forced to miss it. But I made it to the lunch/reception after work. It was kind of bittersweet. Then after that I went down to CDA and walked around with Todd again, but this time we went on the beach and we got a little wet from the water. It was really cold. But It felt great with the 80 something degree weather we had today. I know that Todd is only second best to what Yehovah has for me to marry, but because of our history and how close we were and the almost married kind of thing, Some of those feelings are still there. I still love him, I still care for him a great deal and the chemistry we had is still very strongly there, but I feel almost all of it in a different way. I know he isn't meant for me and I'm ok with that. I'd rather have better and not best, gold and not silver, first and not second. He is only second rate and I deserve and want to wait for first rate. It is hard because being around him, I still feel like I'm supposed to hold his hand and I'm supposed to love up on him and cuddle with him, and I want to do all that, but I know I can't and shouldn't and it would be the end of our friendship if I started that. Really hard to deal with, but I manage somehow. Speaking of managing. A friend of mine wants me to move down to Portland to manager their band. How sweet of a job would that be? Pretty Darn! I told her I want to. So we will see where life leads me. Until Tomorrow,
The Dreamer
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