Army Wife

Well, I finally made it into the club. The married club that is. Or so people have told me. I got married on March 3rd 2012 and just a short month later, my husband leaves to go to OCS (Officer Candidate School) in Georgia. He isn't due back until August and it has been an interesting 5 weeks without him. My heart cries out for him and my eyes still do on occasion as well. I feel like I've been stuck in a nightmare kind of a dream. I've been waiting 27 years to get married and then it finally happens and then my husband gets taken away from me. I'm finally getting a taste of what Army life will be like. My husband was sent to Georgia before my brain had a chance to wrap itself around the fact that I am truly 100% married to the most wonderful man! I'm very blessed and I still have troubles believing that it happened. I feel like I made him up and kind of like I have an imaginary friend who I have married and everyone just plays along. I don't know what married life is like yet because my husband isn't here. I feel like I am half of a whole without him.

I am visiting family right now and this home used to be mine, but because my husband and I made our house OUR home, it feels weird being here with my parents. I feel homesick for my new home, the one my husband and I have. I just want to be where he last was with me. I feel closer to him there.

I have started a friendship up with another Army wife and her husband leaves in a week for 9 months. She is taking this, her second experience with him being deployed, a lot harder than then first. How I feel without my love is not uncommon from what I've talked with her about.

I'm tempted to write a book about Army wives. I think it would be fairly simple, but I think it would help other wives out a lot that deal with deployments or absence from their husband being sent away for training or what have you. I always have big aspirations of writing, but I never seem to follow through with it. This one I might force myself to try.

I hear people speak about how they have great respect for Army families because they would never be able to do what they do. I don't feel like I fall into that category because I just joined the "Army Wife Team". I feel like the "respect" others have for women like me has not been earned yet. I have no doubt I will earn it one day, but I feel it doesn't belong to me just yet.

Army Wife...Such a big title to have. It seems like it comes with big strength and responsibility. We may have that in us, but we are also scared of what might be, we cry behind closed doors and very quietly so no one will hear and ask us what is wrong. We eat our feelings or don't eat at all. We close ourselves in away from others, or we travel to take our mind off of things. What we do is not easy and it isn't for everybody. I didn't pick the Army, the Army picked me. I wasn't given a choice really. I love my Military man and I am still in awe that I married such a hero. If we could give up the military tomorrow, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Having my husband in my arms every night is better than any "perk" the military may offer us. I think it takes strength to admit one is scared and wants out. But if in the Army is where YHWH (God) wants us, then this is where we will stay. I just pray for his mercy and protection through it all. Amein! And again I say, Amein.

This last picture was taken the day before he left. 

Simple Woman's Daybook

I decided to join this fun blog called The Simple Woman's Daybook and it is just a place where you can jot down your daily thoughts. It seemed like a fun thing to do! If you too would like to join, here is the link to do so: http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ 


FOR TODAY


Outside my window... The sun is trying to poke through the wonderfully gloomy clouds that surround.


I am thinking...Oh how much I miss my husband and want so badly to kiss and hug him right now.


I am thankful...That I can start the count down to when he returns and I can start making plans for keeping me busy while he is away for 3 months.


In the kitchen...There is a big mess right now because it is Sabbath for one, but also I've been unmotivated to clean things since my hubby left this morning.


I am wearing...My PJ's still. I decided staying in today was best.


I am creating...A plan for the next 3 months and the homecoming of my love. I look forward to that day so very much!


I am going...To Whistler, BC tomorrow with relatives for a few days to get away and take hold of my last opportunity to go with them since I don't know where my husband and I will be stationed next year.


I am wondering...If I will find the motivation to lose the weight I want to while he is gone so he comes back to a better looking wife.


I am reading...Scot on the Rocks. It is a murder mystery; my favorite kind of book.


I am hoping...I get everything packed tonight and all the food I need to bring for the couple days I'll be up in Canada.


I am looking forward to...Traveling these next few months while my husband is away. I plan on going to see my family on the other side of the state and his family in California. I also plan to go visit some friends in Oregon and maybe South Carolina. I am also looking forward to my trip to Disney Land to get myself laughing for a day. 


I am learning...To be a wife. I've been married 4 weeks today and it has had its ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it for single life again. Being married is so much fun and I look forward to growing more and more as a person and with my husband all the time. 


Around the house...There is the mess left from the packing my husband did last night. I hate messes, but I don't want to clean it because it reminds me of him. 


I am pondering...Showering or napping. Not sure which I'll do.


A favorite quote for today... Focus on these moments and remember that 3 months is quite a drop in the bucket compared to your life together that has just begun. You've got this. Stay busy and spray your pillow every night with his cologne.

One of my favorite things...Hearing my husband say he loves me followed by my name. It sounds more personal and makes my heart skip.


A few plans for the rest of the week: Whistler tomorrow and I then I come back on Tuesday. Tuesday I will be booking some flights for the next couple months. I will also start cleaning my house of the leaven that is in it since Passover will be starting on the 6th. I may go visit my Grandma since I haven't seen her in a month. 


A peek into my day...


This was taken yesterday, but it is the most recent picture of my husband and I. Some of our last moments together before he left.I had just got done crying here, but luckily it doesn't show.

Tomorrow Is Always Fresh With No Mistakes In It

Have you ever felt like a complete idiot for doing something that probably in the back of your mind you knew would get you in trouble for? Well, here is one of those things I have to admit to you that it is my fault and no one else's.

So, about the picture contest, yes I won, but I never got permission to use the picture from my brother and sister-in-law. I didn't think they would mind. It is just a photo contest. I only used her first name. Her social security number wasn't used and neither was her middle and last name. All anyone knew about her was she was cute and her name was Tovah. I found out tonight that my brother and his wife were really bothered that I would use her in a photo contest and not ask them, especially if she didn't win anything. I was the only one gaining anything if I won. I told them she could be in the pictures with me if they wanted her to be, but I doubt they would even want me to touch her in a picture after this.

They are freaked out that people knew her name because then they could steal her identity and they wouldn't know it until she were like 18. Yes it is possible, but the thief would need more than just a first name to go off of to steal her identity.

One thing I have noticed is they are very weird about her. During family time they don't like people to be video taping the moment if they and their daughter are included. They are very secretive about their daughter and seem to get weirded out if a family member takes extra interest in her. It is kind of offensive that they give off that vibe. It is like walking around eggshells with them because you never know what is going to offend or bother them next.

It was really awkward tonight when I was visiting them and prior to seeing them since the contest happened I kind of sensed that they maybe were not happy about the whole thing, simply because my brother never voted for her. My sister-in-law did, but not my brother. So that right away made me think he was really bothered by the whole thing. So, as the saying has been going around a lot lately, I could tell there was a HUGE Elephant in the room tonight. So I said (knowing it was not going to be a good response), "Man I still can't believe Tovah won the contest." My brother turns his head to me and says, "Did you ask us if you could use her picture?" I told him, "No, but I didn't think it would have been a problem." Which at the time I did think. I am pretty sure I am her favorite Auntie and I love playing with her and making her laugh and I thought since she seemed to like me so much that they wouldn't have a problem with it since they have entered her into contests like that too. He says, "I felt weird that you didn't ask us and it worries me that her name was out there and someone could steal her identity. I don't want you to use her in a photo contest ever again." I felt like, well, if I'm being honest, I felt like shit. I thought they would have been happy at the idea that she was in a contest and won, but they thought it was weird I would do that. Now, I feel like they see me as a perv or something and it has now once again become really awkward between me and them. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels it, but I can tell it is there. I played it off really well like I was not bothered by the whole situation tonight, but inside I wanted to throw up. I know my mom could tell something was wrong because I was silent pretty much the whole way home.

So, what I will admit I am at fault for is not asking when I guess I should have, to use her picture in the contest. To me it seems like, if it is family, that shouldn't be something that weirds the other party out. If I were just a friend and did that then I could see where the bigger fault would be. That to me would be a little weird. I feel like I was looked at as a sex offender tonight and it makes me want to keep my distance for a long time. Something I will probably do because secretly I want them to feel how they hurt me, but I know that won't get me anywhere. I guess next time I just won't even try to think of my Niece as an option to win something like that. My brother asked me, "Did she win anything?" I told him that she didn't. And that is when I think he told me, "I don't want you to use her in a contest ever again." It wasn't even a, "Just ask us next time."

I remember this one time we had a family get together and I was filming the cute and funny things that were happening with all my nieces and nephews. I wasn't planning on posting it on the internet, it was just something fun that I was going to look back on from time to time and smile. My brother, the same brother, asks me if I was recording. I told him I was and he says, "Can you please stop. I don't want me and my family to be in any of your videos." How harsh is that?! He tries to say these things as nice as he can, but they still hurt. You would think I was caught molesting his child or something. Yes I said the "m" word. I just needed to get this crap off my chest. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about this today, but figured I would just blog about it. I'm pretty sure that is all I have to say on this subject for now. I think I pretty much got out what needed to come out about this subject. Now I will try to get over it and on with my life now that it is off my chest. No one is perfect and I can't expect that from anyone, not even family. In a perfect world, many things in my life would be different and one of them would be the way my family is. I'm sure there are many many people that feel that way too. You all were thinking it, I was just saying it.

Until Next Time,

The (heartbroken) Dreamer

Amazing Turn Of Events

So, I entered my Niece Tovah in a Cutest Kid photo contest. At first I thought I would be the only entry because no one seemed to be entering their photos. Then a few more entries came in, but I wasn't worried. I had the most votes.

Then I there I was enjoying 1st place when a ton more contestants were entered and before I knew it, I was no longer in first.

I didn't know what else to do but to reach out to craigslist.

I don't know what it is about Spokane, but people are just out to find reasons to hate you and make your life miserable on craigslist. It was maybe 30 min before I started getting attacked by this horrible woman who caused so much trouble and drama for me in the photo contest and I almost dropped out. She was calling me a cheater and a liar because she thought posting my ad on craigslist was cheating. When I told her I called the creator of the contest to make sure I wasn't cheating (which it wasn't and it was even encouraged!) by posting that ad, she tells me, "Oh yeah, well, I just called her and asked if it was allowed and she said NO, it is not allowed. So you are a cheater AND a liar."

The creator of the contest was able to block her and her 4 fake aliases one of which was in MY name!! I felt somewhat better, but still a little damaged because I was no longer first. I was 4th and then tied for third and then I was 4th again. Well, tonight was the deadline for votes. Midnight was the closing. Seven hours before midnight I got desperate. I created a new account on craigslist with a different e-mail I had and I posted an ad for the second time asking people to help me out last minute, but this time, I posted the ad in a different state and city! I also posted on my facebook page telling people to help me win and to vote because there were only 7 hours left. In 4th place I was 18 or 19 votes behind. My friends finally woke up and posted urgent messages to their friends on FB telling them there was only a few hours left and to vote!

I went from 18 votes behind, to 16, to 12, to 8, to 7, to 4, to 2, to 1, to 11 votes ahead of the person that was 18 votes ahead of me! That is like 29 votes! I won the contest and I pretty much didn't have much hope left at the "7 hours left" mark. But I did have the faith of a mustard seed and I moved a mountain. It is very sweet poetic justice towards the chick that tried to get me to lose. Good always prevails over evil.

I couldn't get people to vote to save my life this past week. But last min, people came through and got me enough votes to win and now, I get to have pictures taken of me for the first time since I was like 8 years old; I am 26 now. I was so excited I was jumping up and down and dancing all around and celebrating with my mom. I never win anything so I'm just stoked! The picture of Tovah that I won with is right above. Awww cloud 9 sure is comfy ;)

Until Next Time,

The Dreamer

P.S. Dreams really do come true! haha

A New Day...In The Life Of A Dream and Tea!

Me and little Keziah being silly :)
Keziah only a few hours old

Hello once again,

The last time I was on here I told you my sister-in-law was soon to have another baby and my sister was pregnant with twins. Well, just a little update on that. My sister-in-law had her baby, little Keziah Joy. She was born on December 9th and is just a doll! She even has little dimples! How precious they are!! My sister, lost one of her twins, but is still pregnant with one of them and she is having a GIRL!!! I couldn't be happier that she is having a little girl. She will be so cute!

I am, however, still unemployed. I am diligently searching for work, but to no avail. I have some hopeful leads, but nothing positively for sure yet. The hope I had lost a while back is slowly starting to get restored some, but very cautiously.

I have been thinking lately about how we so often as humans do the Adam thing. We blame others for our mistakes. If we screw up, we always seem to have a scape goat to blame it on. For example: Say you are trying to get things done at work and at the end of the day, your boss isn't happy you didn't finish everything. You blame it on constant interruptions from co-workers or phone calls or just not enough time in the day.

What I've been wondering is, why is it so hard for us to own up to things. If we sucked at something, why can't we accept the failure with our head still held high and move on and try to do better next time? I can't remember exactly what got me to thinking about this subject, but I can't seem to get it off my mind. I find myself doing it a lot in life and I think it is the next thing I'm going to try to improve on in my life. We all have our areas that need work, well this is one of many of mine. So here I am world, telling you that yes, I screw up and yes, I make mistakes. It wasn't because of little Suzie over in the corner that caused me to not become a success, it was me. If it really wasn't me, I will fight to the death to make you see that it wasn't me, but if it truly was my fault, I will try, very humbly, to accept my fault. No one is perfect right? But we can all strive for that goal and find ways to better ourselves in our everyday lives.

I have also started to try to better my life in a different way. I have started a new lifestyle of eating (and exercising). I don't like to call it a diet, because it is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. It is a way of getting the Candida out of your system for good and just maintaining a healthier lifestyle all together. Eating mostly veggies and low sugar fruits and some meat. I have been enjoying lots of different foods such as, apples with almond butter, turkey legs, turkey lettuce wraps, roasted garlic and roasted garlic soup. I also juice on occasion with some ginger, carrot, celery and apple. So far it has been really easy. I attempted this back in 2006, but I didn't have much of an imagination with food like I do now, so after a month I quit. This time, I'm different and more experienced with food and I am enjoying myself.

I have a renewed love for tea. It is my saving grace. If I get a craving for a food I don't eat anymore, I replace that craving with some tea and I sweeten it with stevia which is just an herb and it doesn't effect your system like sugar. It passes right through like it were water. I think it is helping to reprogram my brain to desire other things that are better for me.

The enjoyment I get out of sitting here on my couch with a hot cup of Vanilla Almond tea is hard to describe, but the closest thing I can think of would be the feeling you get when a butterfly lands on you and says hello.

Until Next time,

The Dreamer

A Day In The Life Of...Day 39

Hello Readers,



I've been gone for quite sometime. A lot has happened in the months I have not written. I finally went on a road trip and saw some of the country. Not the pretty part, but it was still some of the country I have never seen. I have had mini heart breaks and been reconnected with lost loves. I have also become unemployed and life hasn't been very easy, but I'm blessed with great family to help me out through this time I'm going through.

I have been considering the Air Force for the second time. Life has just been too tough and the Air Force seems like a good answer. If I am not accepted into the AF I will truly not know what to do anymore. I would like to have hope, but I've gotten my hopes up too much these past few months while looking for work and had great opportunities that I thought would pan out and I'd get hired, but there was always someone more qualified than me. So we'll see.

On an exciting note! My Sister-In-Law will be having her 4th baby this Late November early December. And my little sister, who had her first this past January, is pregnant again and just told the family last night that she is not just pregnant, she is having twins!! I am so excited for her! I can't wait to find out what she will be having and if they are identical. I hope they are identical girls. But only time will tell.

Until another time,

The Dreamer

A Day In The Life Of...Day 38

I was gone all day and didn't have time to upload pictures so maybe tomorrow. I promise I will do it soon. I made Yakisoba tonight and oh my goodness I'm amazing in the kitchen and I don't mind saying so. There were so many veggies in it like shallots and broccoli and kohlrabi and onions and asparagus. A-mazing! Then I read the story of D.B. Cooper to my family. I love that story. He is one of the coolest persons in History. It would be so awesome if someone came across a clue that led to the solving of the case. He fascinates me! I also read the story about the Lady of the Lake. The story about the lady who had been murdered and thrown into Crescent Lake in Washington and surfaced after the rope deteriorated and she floated to the top and was completely soap! Really cool story. Anyway, I'm tired and need to get up kind of early. So...

Until Tomorrow,

The Dreamer