So, about the picture contest, yes I won, but I never got permission to use the picture from my brother and sister-in-law. I didn't think they would mind. It is just a photo contest. I only used her first name. Her social security number wasn't used and neither was her middle and last name. All anyone knew about her was she was cute and her name was Tovah. I found out tonight that my brother and his wife were really bothered that I would use her in a photo contest and not ask them, especially if she didn't win anything. I was the only one gaining anything if I won. I told them she could be in the pictures with me if they wanted her to be, but I doubt they would even want me to touch her in a picture after this.
They are freaked out that people knew her name because then they could steal her identity and they wouldn't know it until she were like 18. Yes it is possible, but the thief would need more than just a first name to go off of to steal her identity.
One thing I have noticed is they are very weird about her. During family time they don't like people to be video taping the moment if they and their daughter are included. They are very secretive about their daughter and seem to get weirded out if a family member takes extra interest in her. It is kind of offensive that they give off that vibe. It is like walking around eggshells with them because you never know what is going to offend or bother them next.
It was really awkward tonight when I was visiting them and prior to seeing them since the contest happened I kind of sensed that they maybe were not happy about the whole thing, simply because my brother never voted for her. My sister-in-law did, but not my brother. So that right away made me think he was really bothered by the whole thing. So, as the saying has been going around a lot lately, I could tell there was a HUGE Elephant in the room tonight. So I said (knowing it was not going to be a good response), "Man I still can't believe Tovah won the contest." My brother turns his head to me and says, "Did you ask us if you could use her picture?" I told him, "No, but I didn't think it would have been a problem." Which at the time I did think. I am pretty sure I am her favorite Auntie and I love playing with her and making her laugh and I thought since she seemed to like me so much that they wouldn't have a problem with it since they have entered her into contests like that too. He says, "I felt weird that you didn't ask us and it worries me that her name was out there and someone could steal her identity. I don't want you to use her in a photo contest ever again." I felt like, well, if I'm being honest, I felt like shit. I thought they would have been happy at the idea that she was in a contest and won, but they thought it was weird I would do that. Now, I feel like they see me as a perv or something and it has now once again become really awkward between me and them. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels it, but I can tell it is there. I played it off really well like I was not bothered by the whole situation tonight, but inside I wanted to throw up. I know my mom could tell something was wrong because I was silent pretty much the whole way home.
So, what I will admit I am at fault for is not asking when I guess I should have, to use her picture in the contest. To me it seems like, if it is family, that shouldn't be something that weirds the other party out. If I were just a friend and did that then I could see where the bigger fault would be. That to me would be a little weird. I feel like I was looked at as a sex offender tonight and it makes me want to keep my distance for a long time. Something I will probably do because secretly I want them to feel how they hurt me, but I know that won't get me anywhere. I guess next time I just won't even try to think of my Niece as an option to win something like that. My brother asked me, "Did she win anything?" I told him that she didn't. And that is when I think he told me, "I don't want you to use her in a contest ever again." It wasn't even a, "Just ask us next time."
I remember this one time we had a family get together and I was filming the cute and funny things that were happening with all my nieces and nephews. I wasn't planning on posting it on the internet, it was just something fun that I was going to look back on from time to time and smile. My brother, the same brother, asks me if I was recording. I told him I was and he says, "Can you please stop. I don't want me and my family to be in any of your videos." How harsh is that?! He tries to say these things as nice as he can, but they still hurt. You would think I was caught molesting his child or something. Yes I said the "m" word. I just needed to get this crap off my chest. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about this today, but figured I would just blog about it. I'm pretty sure that is all I have to say on this subject for now. I think I pretty much got out what needed to come out about this subject. Now I will try to get over it and on with my life now that it is off my chest. No one is perfect and I can't expect that from anyone, not even family. In a perfect world, many things in my life would be different and one of them would be the way my family is. I'm sure there are many many people that feel that way too. You all were thinking it, I was just saying it.
Until Next Time,
The (heartbroken) Dreamer
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