Tomorrow Is Always Fresh With No Mistakes In It

Have you ever felt like a complete idiot for doing something that probably in the back of your mind you knew would get you in trouble for? Well, here is one of those things I have to admit to you that it is my fault and no one else's.

So, about the picture contest, yes I won, but I never got permission to use the picture from my brother and sister-in-law. I didn't think they would mind. It is just a photo contest. I only used her first name. Her social security number wasn't used and neither was her middle and last name. All anyone knew about her was she was cute and her name was Tovah. I found out tonight that my brother and his wife were really bothered that I would use her in a photo contest and not ask them, especially if she didn't win anything. I was the only one gaining anything if I won. I told them she could be in the pictures with me if they wanted her to be, but I doubt they would even want me to touch her in a picture after this.

They are freaked out that people knew her name because then they could steal her identity and they wouldn't know it until she were like 18. Yes it is possible, but the thief would need more than just a first name to go off of to steal her identity.

One thing I have noticed is they are very weird about her. During family time they don't like people to be video taping the moment if they and their daughter are included. They are very secretive about their daughter and seem to get weirded out if a family member takes extra interest in her. It is kind of offensive that they give off that vibe. It is like walking around eggshells with them because you never know what is going to offend or bother them next.

It was really awkward tonight when I was visiting them and prior to seeing them since the contest happened I kind of sensed that they maybe were not happy about the whole thing, simply because my brother never voted for her. My sister-in-law did, but not my brother. So that right away made me think he was really bothered by the whole thing. So, as the saying has been going around a lot lately, I could tell there was a HUGE Elephant in the room tonight. So I said (knowing it was not going to be a good response), "Man I still can't believe Tovah won the contest." My brother turns his head to me and says, "Did you ask us if you could use her picture?" I told him, "No, but I didn't think it would have been a problem." Which at the time I did think. I am pretty sure I am her favorite Auntie and I love playing with her and making her laugh and I thought since she seemed to like me so much that they wouldn't have a problem with it since they have entered her into contests like that too. He says, "I felt weird that you didn't ask us and it worries me that her name was out there and someone could steal her identity. I don't want you to use her in a photo contest ever again." I felt like, well, if I'm being honest, I felt like shit. I thought they would have been happy at the idea that she was in a contest and won, but they thought it was weird I would do that. Now, I feel like they see me as a perv or something and it has now once again become really awkward between me and them. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels it, but I can tell it is there. I played it off really well like I was not bothered by the whole situation tonight, but inside I wanted to throw up. I know my mom could tell something was wrong because I was silent pretty much the whole way home.

So, what I will admit I am at fault for is not asking when I guess I should have, to use her picture in the contest. To me it seems like, if it is family, that shouldn't be something that weirds the other party out. If I were just a friend and did that then I could see where the bigger fault would be. That to me would be a little weird. I feel like I was looked at as a sex offender tonight and it makes me want to keep my distance for a long time. Something I will probably do because secretly I want them to feel how they hurt me, but I know that won't get me anywhere. I guess next time I just won't even try to think of my Niece as an option to win something like that. My brother asked me, "Did she win anything?" I told him that she didn't. And that is when I think he told me, "I don't want you to use her in a contest ever again." It wasn't even a, "Just ask us next time."

I remember this one time we had a family get together and I was filming the cute and funny things that were happening with all my nieces and nephews. I wasn't planning on posting it on the internet, it was just something fun that I was going to look back on from time to time and smile. My brother, the same brother, asks me if I was recording. I told him I was and he says, "Can you please stop. I don't want me and my family to be in any of your videos." How harsh is that?! He tries to say these things as nice as he can, but they still hurt. You would think I was caught molesting his child or something. Yes I said the "m" word. I just needed to get this crap off my chest. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about this today, but figured I would just blog about it. I'm pretty sure that is all I have to say on this subject for now. I think I pretty much got out what needed to come out about this subject. Now I will try to get over it and on with my life now that it is off my chest. No one is perfect and I can't expect that from anyone, not even family. In a perfect world, many things in my life would be different and one of them would be the way my family is. I'm sure there are many many people that feel that way too. You all were thinking it, I was just saying it.

Until Next Time,

The (heartbroken) Dreamer

Amazing Turn Of Events

So, I entered my Niece Tovah in a Cutest Kid photo contest. At first I thought I would be the only entry because no one seemed to be entering their photos. Then a few more entries came in, but I wasn't worried. I had the most votes.

Then I there I was enjoying 1st place when a ton more contestants were entered and before I knew it, I was no longer in first.

I didn't know what else to do but to reach out to craigslist.

I don't know what it is about Spokane, but people are just out to find reasons to hate you and make your life miserable on craigslist. It was maybe 30 min before I started getting attacked by this horrible woman who caused so much trouble and drama for me in the photo contest and I almost dropped out. She was calling me a cheater and a liar because she thought posting my ad on craigslist was cheating. When I told her I called the creator of the contest to make sure I wasn't cheating (which it wasn't and it was even encouraged!) by posting that ad, she tells me, "Oh yeah, well, I just called her and asked if it was allowed and she said NO, it is not allowed. So you are a cheater AND a liar."

The creator of the contest was able to block her and her 4 fake aliases one of which was in MY name!! I felt somewhat better, but still a little damaged because I was no longer first. I was 4th and then tied for third and then I was 4th again. Well, tonight was the deadline for votes. Midnight was the closing. Seven hours before midnight I got desperate. I created a new account on craigslist with a different e-mail I had and I posted an ad for the second time asking people to help me out last minute, but this time, I posted the ad in a different state and city! I also posted on my facebook page telling people to help me win and to vote because there were only 7 hours left. In 4th place I was 18 or 19 votes behind. My friends finally woke up and posted urgent messages to their friends on FB telling them there was only a few hours left and to vote!

I went from 18 votes behind, to 16, to 12, to 8, to 7, to 4, to 2, to 1, to 11 votes ahead of the person that was 18 votes ahead of me! That is like 29 votes! I won the contest and I pretty much didn't have much hope left at the "7 hours left" mark. But I did have the faith of a mustard seed and I moved a mountain. It is very sweet poetic justice towards the chick that tried to get me to lose. Good always prevails over evil.

I couldn't get people to vote to save my life this past week. But last min, people came through and got me enough votes to win and now, I get to have pictures taken of me for the first time since I was like 8 years old; I am 26 now. I was so excited I was jumping up and down and dancing all around and celebrating with my mom. I never win anything so I'm just stoked! The picture of Tovah that I won with is right above. Awww cloud 9 sure is comfy ;)

Until Next Time,

The Dreamer

P.S. Dreams really do come true! haha

A New Day...In The Life Of A Dream and Tea!

Me and little Keziah being silly :)
Keziah only a few hours old

Hello once again,

The last time I was on here I told you my sister-in-law was soon to have another baby and my sister was pregnant with twins. Well, just a little update on that. My sister-in-law had her baby, little Keziah Joy. She was born on December 9th and is just a doll! She even has little dimples! How precious they are!! My sister, lost one of her twins, but is still pregnant with one of them and she is having a GIRL!!! I couldn't be happier that she is having a little girl. She will be so cute!

I am, however, still unemployed. I am diligently searching for work, but to no avail. I have some hopeful leads, but nothing positively for sure yet. The hope I had lost a while back is slowly starting to get restored some, but very cautiously.

I have been thinking lately about how we so often as humans do the Adam thing. We blame others for our mistakes. If we screw up, we always seem to have a scape goat to blame it on. For example: Say you are trying to get things done at work and at the end of the day, your boss isn't happy you didn't finish everything. You blame it on constant interruptions from co-workers or phone calls or just not enough time in the day.

What I've been wondering is, why is it so hard for us to own up to things. If we sucked at something, why can't we accept the failure with our head still held high and move on and try to do better next time? I can't remember exactly what got me to thinking about this subject, but I can't seem to get it off my mind. I find myself doing it a lot in life and I think it is the next thing I'm going to try to improve on in my life. We all have our areas that need work, well this is one of many of mine. So here I am world, telling you that yes, I screw up and yes, I make mistakes. It wasn't because of little Suzie over in the corner that caused me to not become a success, it was me. If it really wasn't me, I will fight to the death to make you see that it wasn't me, but if it truly was my fault, I will try, very humbly, to accept my fault. No one is perfect right? But we can all strive for that goal and find ways to better ourselves in our everyday lives.

I have also started to try to better my life in a different way. I have started a new lifestyle of eating (and exercising). I don't like to call it a diet, because it is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. It is a way of getting the Candida out of your system for good and just maintaining a healthier lifestyle all together. Eating mostly veggies and low sugar fruits and some meat. I have been enjoying lots of different foods such as, apples with almond butter, turkey legs, turkey lettuce wraps, roasted garlic and roasted garlic soup. I also juice on occasion with some ginger, carrot, celery and apple. So far it has been really easy. I attempted this back in 2006, but I didn't have much of an imagination with food like I do now, so after a month I quit. This time, I'm different and more experienced with food and I am enjoying myself.

I have a renewed love for tea. It is my saving grace. If I get a craving for a food I don't eat anymore, I replace that craving with some tea and I sweeten it with stevia which is just an herb and it doesn't effect your system like sugar. It passes right through like it were water. I think it is helping to reprogram my brain to desire other things that are better for me.

The enjoyment I get out of sitting here on my couch with a hot cup of Vanilla Almond tea is hard to describe, but the closest thing I can think of would be the feeling you get when a butterfly lands on you and says hello.

Until Next time,

The Dreamer