Army Wife

Well, I finally made it into the club. The married club that is. Or so people have told me. I got married on March 3rd 2012 and just a short month later, my husband leaves to go to OCS (Officer Candidate School) in Georgia. He isn't due back until August and it has been an interesting 5 weeks without him. My heart cries out for him and my eyes still do on occasion as well. I feel like I've been stuck in a nightmare kind of a dream. I've been waiting 27 years to get married and then it finally happens and then my husband gets taken away from me. I'm finally getting a taste of what Army life will be like. My husband was sent to Georgia before my brain had a chance to wrap itself around the fact that I am truly 100% married to the most wonderful man! I'm very blessed and I still have troubles believing that it happened. I feel like I made him up and kind of like I have an imaginary friend who I have married and everyone just plays along. I don't know what married life is like yet because my husband isn't here. I feel like I am half of a whole without him.

I am visiting family right now and this home used to be mine, but because my husband and I made our house OUR home, it feels weird being here with my parents. I feel homesick for my new home, the one my husband and I have. I just want to be where he last was with me. I feel closer to him there.

I have started a friendship up with another Army wife and her husband leaves in a week for 9 months. She is taking this, her second experience with him being deployed, a lot harder than then first. How I feel without my love is not uncommon from what I've talked with her about.

I'm tempted to write a book about Army wives. I think it would be fairly simple, but I think it would help other wives out a lot that deal with deployments or absence from their husband being sent away for training or what have you. I always have big aspirations of writing, but I never seem to follow through with it. This one I might force myself to try.

I hear people speak about how they have great respect for Army families because they would never be able to do what they do. I don't feel like I fall into that category because I just joined the "Army Wife Team". I feel like the "respect" others have for women like me has not been earned yet. I have no doubt I will earn it one day, but I feel it doesn't belong to me just yet.

Army Wife...Such a big title to have. It seems like it comes with big strength and responsibility. We may have that in us, but we are also scared of what might be, we cry behind closed doors and very quietly so no one will hear and ask us what is wrong. We eat our feelings or don't eat at all. We close ourselves in away from others, or we travel to take our mind off of things. What we do is not easy and it isn't for everybody. I didn't pick the Army, the Army picked me. I wasn't given a choice really. I love my Military man and I am still in awe that I married such a hero. If we could give up the military tomorrow, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Having my husband in my arms every night is better than any "perk" the military may offer us. I think it takes strength to admit one is scared and wants out. But if in the Army is where YHWH (God) wants us, then this is where we will stay. I just pray for his mercy and protection through it all. Amein! And again I say, Amein.

This last picture was taken the day before he left.